Winter Blues

So this post is just about me and some of the things I have gone through in the last year. Nothing major, just some thoughts.

Last year I watched a show on obesity and about how dangerous it is to be addicted to food. It talked about how alcoholics can recover because they don't have to have alcohol to survive, but people who are addicted to food have a hard time because they have to eat. Then a few weeks later I had a dream I was diabetic. It really scared me. I was healthy, but worried about my future health.

I didn't eat etremely healthy. Sometimes I would make cookies and eat the whole batch, except a few that I would leave for Blake. This happened with most things I baked, pumpkin bread, cookies, cakes everything. I didn't have control. If I ate one bite, then I would eat the whole thing.

Something else I struggled with was getting really down and overwhelmed during the winter. I would just be sad and not accomplish anything. So I decided to start eating healthier. I first tried cutting out as much sugar as possible, eating more whole grains and drinking more water. I felt like I had so much more control. I had to move all of Blake's food to the basement. The granola bars, chocolate, cookies, icecream and other treats. I kept trail mix in the cupboard and tried to buy lots of fresh fruit and veggies. I usually ate a parfait or cereal with Blueberries for breakfast and only ate dessert if we were at someone else's house. I even made chocolate chip cookies and froze them. I think I only had a few and everone else ate them this time.

Then over the summer I started exercising more. Walking, going for hikes and bike rides. Then at the end of the summer I trained for and participated in a triathlon. This was the best I had felt in a long time. I have continued exercising and eating healthier. I am constantly trying to find healthier ways of eating and even though it drives Blake crazy sometimes I know now that it is necessary for me.

Some days, mostly in the winter I get really down and depressed. Sometimes I wonder if I really have depression and I think I do. I have realized though that the atonement can work for me with this disease. I know it can't for everyone, but for me it can. I know that if I do all that I can then Christ can make up for the rest. If I am doing all that I can and I am still struggling then I may need medicine and maybe someday I will need something more, but for now I am trying my hardest to do my part so that Christ can make up the difference.

Some of the things I have noticed that I need to do are to read my scriptures and say my prayers. The days I do these things life isn't so overwhelming, I accomplish so much more and I have more love and patience for the people around me. Another thing I need is to exercise. This helps me feel so much better about myself and gives me more energy. The days I take the time to go and exercise are the days I feel like I have more time to accomplish what I need to do. The third thing I need is to eat healthy. When Blake got home from the Dominican Republic I let go a little bit on eating healthy. I ate what I wanted for a few weeks and the week before Valentine's day I crashed. I hadn't had a crash like that for a long time. It was like I had a sugar high, then one night I just crashed. I just felt very blah and like my body was moving in slow motion. It felt so heavy and I didn't have the motivation to keep going. So I layed in bed and didn't even try. I thought it might be what I was eating, but I didn't change anything. Then on Valentine's Day it happened again. So now I realize how important it is to eat healthy. I don't know why I didn't pay attention before, it is in the scriptures. It is sad how often I need to have these experiences that humble me and remind me how much I need Jesus Christ in my life and how the scriptures really do have the answers to our problems.

So now I am feeling much better. I still have good and bad days, but I know that when I do all I can that Jesus Christ is there for me to help me with my weeknesses. I know I wouldn't be able to do it without this knowledge and his help.

Sorry for the venting. I just wanted to write this all down and maybe it can help someone else.